The world has been selling you a story about relationships since before you could spell your own name.
It goes something like this: somewhere out there is a person — the right person — and when you find them, everything will make sense. You will feel complete. The ache you carry, the restlessness, the sense that something is missing — all of it will resolve when you meet the one who was made for you. Your job is to find that person, or to make yourself findable, and then your life will really begin.
Movies teach you this. Songs teach you this. Even well-meaning people teach you this when they ask whether you have a boyfriend before they ask about anything else, as though nothing you do quite counts until you have found someone to do it with.
There is a truth buried in there — you were made for relationship. But the lie wrapped around that truth has sent countless young women chasing the wrong thing in the wrong places.
There is a relationship you need more than any other. And it is not with a man.
The One Thing Necessary
Jesus was traveling with His disciples when they came to a village called Bethany, just outside Jerusalem. A woman named Martha lived there with her sister Mary, and Martha opened her home to Jesus.
What happens next is one of the most misunderstood scenes in the Gospels.
“Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, ‘Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.’”
— Luke 10:38–40 (NASB)
Picture this scene. Martha has welcomed Jesus into her home — which is an act of hospitality, an act of service, a good thing. In that culture, hosting a rabbi and his disciples meant providing food, drink, places to sit, all the practical needs of a group of travelers. Martha is doing exactly what a faithful, hardworking woman should do.
Meanwhile, Mary is sitting at Jesus’ feet.
That phrase — “seated at the Lord’s feet” — is a technical term. It describes the posture of a student learning from a rabbi. Mary is not being lazy. She is not neglecting her duties because she cannot be bothered. She is doing something radical: she is taking the position of a disciple.
And Martha is furious.
“Lord, do You not care?” She does not ask Mary to come help. She asks Jesus to make Mary help. She wants the authority figure to put things back in their proper order — women in the kitchen, practical needs attended to, everything running the way it should.
Listen to how Jesus responds:
“Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”
— Luke 10:41–42 (NASB)
Jesus does not say Martha’s work is bad. He does not criticize hospitality. He says Martha is “worried and bothered about so many things” — distracted, pulled in multiple directions, serving out of anxiety rather than rest.
And then He says the words that should reshape how every young woman thinks about priorities:
“Only one thing is necessary.”
Not many things. Not a balance of things. One thing.
Mary chose it. And Jesus says it will not be taken from her.
What Mary Understood
Here is what Mary understood that Martha had not yet grasped: Jesus would not always be there.
The preparations could wait. The meal could be delayed. The practical concerns of hospitality would be there tomorrow. But Jesus, sitting in that room, speaking words of life — this moment was finite. This opportunity would pass.
Mary saw what was actually in front of her and responded to it. Martha saw what was in front of her and let anxiety about other things distract her from it.
This is not a story about whether women should work or rest. This is not a story about personality types. This is a story about what matters most — and whether you will choose it when it is right in front of you.
The relationship with Jesus was what mattered most. Mary chose it. And Jesus defended her choice.
The Woman at the Well
There is another woman in the Gospels whose encounter with Jesus changed everything — and her story is even more striking.
She was a Samaritan, which already put her outside respectable Jewish society. Jews and Samaritans did not associate with one another — the hostility between the two groups went back centuries. She was a woman, which meant that a rabbi would not normally speak to her in public. And she came to draw water at noon, the hottest part of the day, when the other women would not be there.
That detail tells you something. Women drew water in the morning or evening, when it was cooler, and they went together. This woman came alone, at the worst possible time. She was avoiding people.
John’s Gospel tells us why: she had been married five times, and the man she was living with now was not her husband.
We do not know the full story — whether she had been abandoned, widowed, or made choices she regretted. What we know is that she carried a weight of shame heavy enough to reshape her daily routine. She arranged her life to avoid the stares and whispers of other women.
And then she met Jesus at the well.
“There came a woman of Samaria to draw water. Jesus said to her, ‘Give Me a drink.’... The Samaritan woman said to Him, ‘How is it that You, being a Jew, ask me for a drink since I am a Samaritan woman?’”
— John 4:7, 9 (NASB)
She expected rejection, or at best, silence. What she got was a conversation that would change her life.
Living Water
Jesus said something to this woman that He said to very few people so directly:
“If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”
— John 4:10 (NASB)
She did not understand at first. She looked at the well, looked at Jesus, and pointed out the obvious: He had no waterpot, and the well was deep. How could He give her water?
But Jesus was not talking about the well.
“Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”
— John 4:13–14 (NASB)
She had come to the well because she was thirsty. She came back every day because she was thirsty again. That is how ordinary water works — it satisfies for a moment, and then the need returns.
The same was true of everything she had pursued in life. Five husbands. Each one, perhaps, had seemed like the answer — the man who would finally satisfy, who would finally give her life meaning, who would finally fill the emptiness. And each time, the thirst returned.
Jesus was offering something different: water that would become a spring inside her. Not a temporary fix, but a permanent source. Not something she had to keep coming back for, but something that would flow from within.
That is what a relationship with Jesus offers that no human relationship can.
She Left Her Waterpot
The conversation continued. Jesus revealed that He knew her past — all of it. She recognized Him first as a prophet, then began to wonder if He was something more. And then Jesus told her plainly what He rarely said so directly:
“The woman said to Him, ‘I know that Messiah is coming (He who is called Christ); when that One comes, He will declare all things to us.’ Jesus said to her, ‘I who speak to you am He.’”
— John 4:25–26 (NASB)
This was the moment. The woman who had been avoiding people, hiding from shame, arranging her life around the stares of others — she had just been told, face to face, that the Messiah was standing in front of her.
And then something remarkable happened:
“So the woman left her waterpot, and went into the city and said to the men, ‘Come, see a man who told me all the things that I have done; this is not the Christ, is it?’”
— John 4:28–29 (NASB)
Do not miss this.
She left her waterpot.
She came to the well for water. That was the whole reason she had walked to this place, in the heat of the day, alone. And when she met Jesus, she forgot the waterpot.
The thing she came for suddenly did not matter anymore.
And the woman who had arranged her entire day to avoid people ran into the city to tell everyone she could find.
That is what happens when you meet the Living Water. The old thirsts lose their power.
What This Means for You
Young women today are thirsty.
You are thirsty for attention, for validation, for someone to see you and choose you. You are thirsty for a relationship that will make you feel complete. You are thirsty for meaning, for purpose, for some sense that your life matters.
And the world keeps handing you cups of ordinary water — relationships that satisfy for a season and then leave you empty again. Attention that feels good until it doesn’t. Validation that evaporates the moment someone newer or shinier comes along.
You keep coming back to the well because the thirst returns.
Jesus is offering something different.
He is offering a relationship that does not depend on your performance, your appearance, or your ability to keep someone interested. He is offering a love that knows your past — all of it — and does not walk away. He is offering living water: a source of life that springs up from within, that does not run dry, that transforms you from the inside out.
Mary sat at His feet because she understood that being with Jesus was the one thing necessary.
The Samaritan woman left her waterpot because she had found something better.
The relationship you actually need most is not with a man. It is with the Son of God.
What It Means to Sit at His Feet
If Mary were alive today, what would sitting at Jesus’ feet look like?
She could not literally sit in His physical presence — but you can do what she was doing. She was listening to His word. She was positioning herself to learn from Him. She was choosing His presence over distraction.
For you, that means opening the Scriptures and actually reading them. Not skimming. Not waiting for someone to summarize them for you. Reading the words of Jesus for yourself, slowly enough to hear them.
It means prayer — not as a ritual, but as conversation. Talking to Him. Listening for Him. Making time for Him the way you would make time for anyone whose relationship you valued.
It means choosing Him when there are a hundred other things pulling at your attention. The phone, the feed, the endless scroll of distraction — Martha’s preparations looked different in the first century, but the principle is the same. Only one thing is necessary. Will you choose it?
It means believing that knowing Christ is better than anything you might miss out on by pursuing Him. Mary chose the good part. She was not punished for it. She was defended.
The Relationship That Changes Everything Else
Here is what happens when you get this relationship right: every other relationship falls into its proper place.
When you are not thirsty anymore, you stop demanding that other people fill a void they were never designed to fill. You can love a man without needing him to complete you. You can enjoy friendships without requiring them to be your ultimate source of validation. You can pursue your work without it becoming your identity.
The Samaritan woman stopped hiding. She stopped arranging her life around shame. She ran toward people instead of away from them.
That is what happens when you encounter Jesus. The fear loosens its grip. The shame loses its power. You are no longer defined by what you have done or what has been done to you. You are defined by whose you are.
And when some young man comes along who seems like he might be worth your attention, you will have the clarity to see him for what he is: a fellow human being, not a savior. A possible companion, not a source of salvation. Someone to walk with, not someone to worship.
The young woman who knows Jesus will not settle for less than she deserves — because she knows what she is worth.
One thing is necessary.
Living water is available.
Choose the good part. Leave the waterpot behind.
For Further Study
Read the full accounts. Watch how Jesus speaks to women — with respect, with truth, with invitation.
- Luke 10:38–42 — Mary and Martha; the one thing necessary
- John 4:1–42 — The woman at the well; living water
- John 15:1–11 — Abiding in Christ; remaining in the vine
- Philippians 3:7–11 — Paul counts all things loss compared to knowing Christ
“Only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”
— Luke 10:42 (NASB)