He Is Somebody’s Son
Somewhere out there is a mother who raised the young man you will one day marry.
She held him when he was born. She watched him take his first steps. She sat up with him when he was sick, helped him with his homework, worried about him when he walked out the door. She prayed for him. She dreamed about who he would become.
And somewhere in those prayers, whether she said it out loud or not, she was also praying for you. For the young woman who would one day love her son. For the girl who would treat him with respect, who would be worthy of his heart, who would build him up instead of tearing him down.
She does not know your name yet. But she is hoping you exist.
I am telling you this because it is easy to forget that the young men you interact with are real people with real futures. They are not characters in your story, existing only to make you feel wanted or admired. They are not disposable — to be used for attention, entertainment, or validation and then discarded when someone more interesting comes along.
Every young man you meet is somebody’s son. And he may be somebody’s husband.
What Scripture Actually Says
The apostle Paul gave instructions to a young preacher named Timothy about how to treat people in the church. The words apply far beyond that original context:
“Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.”
— 1 Timothy 5:1–2 (NASB)
Did you catch that phrase? Younger men as brothers. In all purity.
This is not just about what you do physically. Purity is a posture of the heart. It is about how you see someone, how you think about them, how you treat them. It means refusing to use another person for your own gratification — whether that gratification is physical, emotional, or social.
Treat him as a brother. That is the standard.
You would not manipulate your brother to get attention. You would not dress to provoke your brother. You would not play games with your brother’s emotions to see if you could make him want you. You would not use your brother and then walk away when you got what you wanted.
A brother is someone you respect. Someone whose good you genuinely want. Someone you would never intentionally harm.
That is how you are called to treat every young man — whether you are interested in him or not.
The Games That Harm
Let me name some things that need to be named.
Leading someone on. This happens when you enjoy the attention someone gives you but have no intention of returning their interest. You keep them close enough to keep giving you what you want — the compliments, the pursuit, the feeling of being desired — but you never tell them the truth. You let them hope because their hope benefits you.
That is not kindness. That is using a person.
Collecting admirers. Some young women measure their worth by how many young men they can attract. They flirt without intention, keep multiple possibilities dangling, and enjoy the power of being wanted. But attention is not the same as love, and the ability to attract someone is not the same as the character to deserve them.
Provoking desire you do not intend to fulfill. The way you dress, the way you speak, the signals you send — these things matter. You are not responsible for every thought someone else has, but you are responsible for what you intentionally provoke. A young woman who dresses and acts to arouse interest she has no intention of honoring is not being admired. She is being consumed. And she is training young men to see women as objects rather than people.
Gossip and mockery. When young women talk about young men behind their backs — mocking their awkwardness, laughing at their attempts, sharing private conversations for entertainment — they do real damage. Men have dignity too. Their feelings are real. Their embarrassment is real. The fact that culture tells you men do not care does not make it true.
Why This Matters
Here is why you should care about treating young men well, even when it seems like no one else does:
Because God commands it. The instruction to treat younger men as brothers “in all purity” is not a suggestion. It is a command from the apostle Paul, carried by the authority of Scripture. You do not get to decide that this does not apply to you because the culture has moved on.
Because you will reap what you sow. The young woman who uses people will find herself used. The one who plays games will find herself caught in someone else’s game. The one who treats others as disposable will eventually be treated as disposable herself. This is not just karma — it is the way God designed the moral universe to work.
“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.”
— Galatians 6:7 (NASB)
Because your character is being formed right now. The habits you build in how you treat people do not disappear when you get married. The young woman who manipulates young men will become a wife who manipulates her husband. The one who craves attention from multiple sources will not suddenly be satisfied with one. What you practice now is what you will be later.
Because he is a person made in God’s image. Every human being carries the image of God — the imago Dei. That includes the young man you find annoying, the one you think is beneath you, and the one whose attention you enjoy but do not value. He is not a tool for your use. He is a soul with eternal significance, and God sees how you treat him.
What It Looks Like to Treat Him Well
So what does it actually look like to treat young men the way Scripture calls you to?
Be honest. If you are not interested, say so — kindly, but clearly. Do not leave someone guessing because you enjoy the attention or because you are afraid of an awkward conversation. Honest rejection is kinder than dishonest hope.
Be modest. This is not about following a dress code or covering yourself in shame. It is about recognizing that your choices affect other people. Modesty is considering how your appearance and behavior impact those around you, and choosing not to deliberately provoke what should not be provoked.
Be respectful. Speak about young men the way you would want them to speak about you. Do not mock. Do not gossip. Do not share private information for entertainment. Guard their dignity the way you want your dignity guarded.
Be encouraging. Young men face pressures you may not fully understand. They are told to be strong but sensitive, leaders but not dominating, ambitious but not threatening. Many of them are struggling to figure out who they are supposed to be. A kind word, a genuine compliment, an acknowledgment of something they did well — these things matter more than you know.
Be protective, not predatory. Instead of asking “What can I get from him?” ask “What is best for him?” That question changes everything. It moves you from consumer to guardian, from user to friend.
A Word About Boundaries
Treating young men with respect does not mean you owe them anything. You do not owe anyone a date, a conversation, or your time. You are not required to be nice to someone who is treating you badly. You are allowed to say no, to walk away, to protect yourself.
The call to treat others well is not a call to let yourself be mistreated. If a young man pressures you, disrespects you, or makes you feel unsafe, you have every right to remove yourself from the situation. Purity includes protecting yourself, not just protecting others.
But — and this is important — the existence of bad young men does not give you permission to treat all young men badly. The fact that some of them may act like animals does not mean you should treat the rest of them like animals. Protect yourself where you need to, and show respect where respect is warranted.
Thinking Long-Term
Let me give you one more reason to take this seriously.
The young man you marry — if you marry — is out there right now. He is living his life, making his choices, becoming whoever he is going to be when you meet him.
And right now, young women are treating him a certain way.
Some of them may be using him. Playing games with his heart. Teaching him that women are not to be trusted, that their words do not mean what they say, that love is just another word for manipulation.
Or they may be building him up. Encouraging him. Showing him that women can be trustworthy, that kindness exists, that not everyone is playing games.
You have no control over what other young women do. But you have complete control over what kind of young woman you are.
And somewhere out there, right now, there is a young man whose future wife is interacting with him. The way she treats him is shaping who he will be when he meets her — when he meets you.
Treat every young man the way you want your future husband to be treated right now.
He is somebody’s son.
Treat him like it.
In all purity.
For Further Study
These passages speak to how we treat others — with honor, integrity, and care.
- 1 Timothy 5:1–2 — Treating others as family, in all purity
- Philippians 2:3–4 — Regarding others as more important than yourself
- Galatians 6:7–10 — Sowing and reaping; doing good to all
- Romans 12:9–18 — Love without hypocrisy; honoring one another
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”
— Philippians 2:3–4 (NASB)